Last week I turned 50. Yep, the big "5-Oh".

Nope, I didn't hide under my bed or check the mirror to see if I could spot any more wrinkles, or go through any of the predicted trauma that comes with this milestone.

What I did engage in was a lot of reflection.

One of the things that I reflected on, interestingly enough, were the relationships that I had with my female buddies throughout my life and how the dynamics changed as I got older.

As a child, my best friend was my cousin, Ines. We not only went to school together, but we spent practically every waking moment with each other, playing "pretend" in a fantasy world of our own creation. I was traumatized when she moved with her family to the United States when I was only 9 years old. In a sense I had lost my world.

At the age of 8, I formed a lifelong friendship with my cousins in Madrid, Paloma and Elena (pictured with me above).
These early childhood friendships with my female cousins were not only good for me, they were vital for my emotional development, and they seemed to come efortlessly to me.

In my early adolescent years, I distinctly remember my awesome school friends in Manila, Philippines. We'd chatter at lunch and recess about nothing, passed each other notes during class, then rang each other up when we got home to speak for hours again about boys, teachers, the weekend, you name it. We'd paint each others' nails, pluck each others' eyebrows and share each others' secrets.

My mid to late teenage years saw us move as a family to Sydney, Australia. With my new group of school buddies I discovered the beach culture of that glorious one kilometer stretch of golden sand called Bondi Beach. There my girlfriends and I hung out, swam, gossiped and met boys from Waverley College and Cranbrook from morning till night.

By the time my 20's arrived, I may have had plenty of girlfriends, but we had become more guarded and competitive with each other. Already a young Mum at 23, priorities such as family and career had well and truly taken over by the age of 30.

By 41 I had been married and divorced, and although I was in desperate need of the nourishing and support only a girlfriend could give, I had trouble working out who my best girlfriends were.

It was interesting for me to observe that the older I became, the more I downplayed the importance of friendships with other women as I increasingly viewed it as more of an indulgence. But in doing so, I had robbed myself of the nurturing, strength and support that I could have tapped into when I hit the rough patches in my life.

Scientific Research
There is now a scientific research to back up the fact that female friendships not only make women feel good but relieve the pressures of daily living, lowers women's stress levels and ultimately prolongs her life! *

* A landmark UCLA study entitled, " Female Responses To Stress: Tend and Befriend, Not Fight or Flight" suggests that friendships between women are not only special, but they shape who the women are and who they are yet to be. Dr. L.C. Klein, one of the researchers, attributes this to a hormone that gets released called Oxytocin as part of the stress responses in a woman which buffers the "˜fight or flight' response and encourages her to "tend to children and gather with other women instead". When a woman engages in the tending or befriending behavior, Dr. Klein suggests that her body releases more Oxytocin, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.

So ladies, my message to you as I clock up a half century is that friendships with other women in your life is vital for your well being as a woman. But like anything precious, it does require nurturing to thrive. So do set the time aside each week to communicate, hang out, spend time with other women, be it your Sister, Mother, girlfriend or a great woman you have just met. It's good for you and an ideal way to bring the balance of mind, body, and spirit back into your lives.

Tggw2

After reading this book, and seeing the research on women and their ability to keep friends, I realized that my best friend and I have become the positive side of this.

My best friend, Whitney, and I have been through our entire lives together, starting in preschool at age 3. We've been friends almost 21 years now, and it's been an amazing ride! To my knowledge, we've been fortunate enough to only have two major fights, which ended with us not talking for a while. Everything worked out because we're still talking, sharing, learning. I always call her when I need to know something about myself because she knows me better than anyone. When we graduated high school, we went our separate ways; she went to a JC in Colorado and I went to a CC in Kansas. We've kept in touch by email, text, and IMing, and we've told each other everything about our lives, just like the girls from Ames.

I have compared the Ames women's relationships with mine and Whit's, and I see similarities. I also think Whitney and I need to start having reunions just like the ladies from Ames.

This book is an inspiration to me, and I hope it will be to Whitney too. Thank you for telling your amazing story. --Kate

I picked this off the shelf at the library, needing something to read on a business trip and not knowing anything about the book. The title attracted me because, I have a close group of friends from my childhood and I too grew up in a college town in Iowa - Iowa City.

The women in the Girls from Ames are about 10 years older than my group of 5, but the experiences are similiar. Being from Iowa I related to many of the references and the pleasure of being raised in a very wholesome and safe place.

The Girls from Iowa City gather annually. We are in the midst of raising our young families and often are pumping or pregnant. We share many of the same laughs and certainly the tears. I just loved the book and will be mailing copies of the paperback to my 4 "sisters".

Thank you to each women for sharing her personal and poignant story. It made me appreciate my group even more. Thank you!

"The girls from Ames" is a book that really touches me deep inside. It brought me to my knees several times in the course of reading it- not only reading about the stories as they pertained to the women in the book but also because I couldn't help but imagine myself and my incredible friends in the same circumstances. Anyone who knows me knows of my amazing friends and how they are such an integral part of who I am. We met our first year of college and have been going strong for 15 years. When it feels as though everything is conspiring against me, a weekend with my girls helps to put life back in perspective and lifts me back up. I've made a wonderful life with my husband and children but a part of me will always consider them "home." It's a joke with us how our once-a-year "official" girls weekend has turned into an "official" winter and summer girls weekend with several "unofficial" girls weekends crammed into wherever we can fit them. They also seem to be growing in length... Now that we are all mommies to little girls (9 out of 12 of our children are girls!), we've started to do Mommy/Daughter weekends too. The first year we did it, we had 9 little girls with the oldest just turned 5 and the youngest being just 1. We started a strong foundation for our children in the hopes that they will be able to develop friendships just as meaningful to them as ours are to us. I love you JLC!

I just finished the book and loved it. Was a wonderful reminder of the importance of all my special girlfriends! I am fortunate to have kept up close relationships with most of my high school friends; we recently enjoyed our 30-year reunion. In addition, I am one of a group of 11 women in a "mothers of twins" club; we have had "meetings" for well over 20 years now and still meet for dinner monthly. I am so blessed and the book reminded me of that.

I just finished the book last night; my 10 year-old daughter asked, "Mom, how does one book make you laugh one day and cry the next!" That pretty much wraps it up for me. I grew up in Des Moines during the same time you all grew up in Ames. I then went to ISU and stayed there for 7 years. So all the references to places, streets, concerns about radiation, concerts, fraternity parties, consequences of fraternity parties, were all like snapshort of my memory. I too had friendships that will always follow with me, some as close as yours, some that have faded. Your story has made me realize how important those women are to me. A story or two has helped me understand some of my friendships now as a woman in her mid-40's. Thanks Cathy. Just this morning I connected with a few of my old friends through facebook (that whole thing is a little weird for me, but I'm giving in to technology if that is the way I reconnect with my friends). Thank you for sharing your story, your memories and letting all of us in. It was a great ride. (oh, on my way into work today, heard REO Speedwagon and cranked up---I may have blown my speakers). Can't wait to tell the others.

Thank you for words of inspiration. The book is a journey of happy childhood memories I had growing up. I have been fortunate and grateful to keep in touch with girl friends from where I grew up.Now I know why every Thursday is our girl's night out as adults in our 40's and 50's. We do a pot luck once a week. Yoga group of women is a must for building strong relationships with women too. My bonds with adut and childhood women friends are strong and vibrant. Something I hope I taught my duaghter. I decided to share the book with my college age daughter and her girl friends on New Year's Day. The next minute my husband went and bought all of my daughter's friends a copy of the book to take back to college. May you all have many more happy events and memories to share. I wiah all of you the best of health and happiness. Thnak you for your honesty and integrity,

I'm 68 years old and still loved the book! I was part of a wonderful group of girls from the class of 1960 in Marion, IA. There were 18 girls. The twins lived in an apartment house along the tracks that was a half block from our high school. Most noons found us there lamenting classes, homework and boys. Since graduation we have lost two of the group. We who have stayed in Marion have stayed in touch and some of those who moved away, too.


This book reminded me of all the feelings a young girl feels in relation to her friends. It was a great read! I'm going to pass the book along to my two daughters who were and are also parts of a greater sisterhood of friends.

Thanks for the memory building skills!!!

Lois Foster

My mom suggested this book because it reminded her of my group of friends from high school. We are in our mid 40s now. I will be writing each of them a letter telling them about this book and telling each what their friendship has meant to me.

Thank you for reaffirming the importance of our girlfriends!

I just finished reading the book and it really hit home. I laughed and cried!. Our group consists of 6 women with our friendships going back 40 + years. We are all in the same state (MI) except for one who just moved to Arizona 2 years ago. She is home this week for a visit and we will be getting together for some good laughs and some good cries! I have a special closeness with one of the girls who is more like my sister( who I lost 21 years ago )than my best friend. She more than the others has helped me through so many heart wrenching moments as well as many wonderful moments and I don't know how I would have made it through my life without her by my side! I will be giving the book to her this weekend for her to read and then pass it on to the others. I loved the 'Pebble Game" and may make one up for us to do when we get together. Thank you for sharing your life with us and reminding us that there is no greater friendship than that of our girlfriends! Praying that Kelly and Angela ( as well as the others) stay healthy!

Thanks...Just THANKS !!!

I finished reading the book on February 15,2010.I started reading the book when I was going to go through surgery to remove my left ovary and I was very scared and I really connected with the Ames Girls/Ames Women. When I was reading, I connected with Karla because of her daughter Christie. I had my daughter on January 9,1997 and Christie shared my daughter's birthdate. I felt very connected maybe because they shared a bithdate and then I read the rest of Karla's story and you lost Christie at 14. My daughter just turned 13 this year. I cried through the rest of that chapter and I felt everything you went through. I'm sorry about your loss.I went on reading this book and you all have touched my life and I did wish I had friendships like that in my life. I'm grateful that I could share your life experiences and to hear the outcomes of Kelly and Angela and I'm glad all is well. Take Care and Be Safe.....Wendy

I am still friends with some of my high school buddies almost 50 years later, but I realize that though we now keep in touch, we missed a lot through our 20's - 40's. we've been through some of the same things.

I was so glad to read the updates on Kelly and Angela, as I have been worried about them since I finished your wonderful story a few days ago. You go, girls.

After reading the comments from my friend Tina, I just had to respond. I bought the book for myself and my two best friends to reaffirm and strengthen our friendship. I'm happy tosay it worked! We have been through so many ups and downs in our life, but our friendship has remained constant. Thank you Ames girls for having the courage to share your story with the world. We all need good friends.

HI,

I have a wonderful group of 9 girlfriends. We all met in our 30's and 40's through our place of employment--a social service agency. Now we are in our 50's and 60's. We all live in the Twin Cities area in MN so we get together often to celebrate birthdays or go on short trips. 2 of our group members have lake cabins so we often take trips to one of the cabins.
I really enjoyed reading the book and it made me wonder about the importance of female relationships for my mother and grandmother....